Community Voices: The Empathic Character is an Important Quality | Voices of the community
Empathy vs. Sympathy. The last couple of months have made me think about the difference between the two in the context of working relationships. Empathy is the ability to understand what another person is feeling within one’s frame of reference – the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes. Sympathy, in the context of working relationships, means support in the form of shared feelings or opinions, which means agreement with an opinion or attitude, or approval.
During one controversy at work, I had LONG conversations with opposing sides of the argument to understand their point of view and why they feel strongly about a topic from their frame of reference, empathy. That doesn’t necessarily mean I agreed with their feelings about their opponents and their opponents’ perceived motives on the subject (sympathy), but taking the time to have long conversations with them allowed me to humanize both sides and see that there are nuances to their beliefs — that each of them is a more complex person than what you can tell from the emails flying around.
The next step is to somehow get each side to find time to do this with each other, but that will be very difficult to do because this particular conflict has been going on for several years. Furthermore, our politics have degenerated to the point where even empathy is discouraged because it is seen as weakness and sympathy for another political tribe’s position. The far side of the tribe’s goal of dominating and eliminating the other side’s ability to share their thoughts is now mainstreaming the rest of their political tribe as they wall off behind the firewalls of their social media groups.
Earlier this year, some complained about one component of the vetting (hiring) committee training that covered implicit biases and microaggressions. Along with wanting to treat all applicants fairly, another goal of the training is to increase empathy as we seek to hire people outside of our own experience. Some critics of the training seem to have missed the point of the training.
How might our messages be interpreted by others? If you don’t have bad intentions, but you phrase/phrase your message in a way that it will be perceived as if you had bad intentions, then you should try to phrase/phrase your message differently. Know your audience (as any writer will tell you). If you think you don’t need to change your message about inclusion—that the recipient needs to adjust their thinking to fit your beliefs or thinking, well, that’s actually selfish, immature, and disrespectful. “Be the adult in the room” and make the first move to try to understand the other person’s mood. Treat others the way you want to be treated, even if they treat you badly.
A long time ago, a wise man said: “Do nothing for selfish purposes, but humbly consider others better than yourself. Instead of each looking out for his own good, look out for what is best for others.”
It may seem too much to expect in our polar times, but empathy is an essential quality we have for free speech to move us forward in this democracy. Certainly, we need to stop deliberately sowing discord and engaging in a policy of retaliatory escalation. Those who do this value power and dominance. If democracy in the US is replaced by the domination of one group over other groups, high gas and grocery prices will be the least of things for us!
Nick Strobel is a professor of astronomy at Bakersfield College and an active member of Wesley UMC.
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